As I’ve mentioned, for the most part I don’t miss Kansas City, in a sense.
I love living in England and have become determined to make this my home.
But, as with most things – when things are not going so well in your life; you start to long for familiar sights and sounds.
Before we go too far in, I don’t want to imply that things are bad here. Far from it. It’s more like our lives are on hard-mode, as we work through how to stay in the next 4 months. The immigration laws have changed quite a bit since we first started this journey, back in 2010/2011. Also, my market has transitioned with new skills and certifications needed, putting me in a hole of being overqualified/underqualified, depending on who I’m speaking to.
The thing is, when you feel stressed or run down by the system, even the less desirable things from back home become romanticised.
I spent last night dreaming about an insanely hot summer. I could feel the difficulty breathing (between my sinuses and the heavy feeling) in a Kansas City, humid summer. It was likely influenced by the human radiator (Bradly), the cat and my 10 tog duvets, but I felt it just the same.
And I woke up missing it.
The thing is that you have to reset those mindsets. You can miss home, without planning to rush back. Every moment I have, thinking about running my hands through the prairie grasses, I’m forced to remind myself of the immediate smacking and scratching of my legs from bug bites.
Every time I think back to having fun pints at Ruins Pub, I’m reminded of the major safety issues involved with getting home.*
*No public transport to our side of town, a taxi will look at $35-50 for a night out, requires a DD.
Even finding a new and exciting job, being marred by waiting 3 months for health insurance playing the “Don’t die” game until it kicks in.
I just want to say – listing out a negative every time I miss home, isn’t a fun game. If anything, it makes things harder. If we have to return to the States – I have spent the last month in my head bashing everything I love about back home, only to return to it.
It makes you bitter.
The fact is, you need to be able to love where you came from and where you are at, without turning it into a competition. I need to be able to miss home without feeling like I’m not allowed to.
I miss sitting on my patio in the summer, with a thunderstorm rolling in and having the temperature drop 10 degrees in a flash. I miss shoveling snow. I miss the smell of frozen leaves in the Autumn. I miss the cicadas humming while driving on a summer night (Even though they are creepy bastards).
But I know, if we were to leave I would have the same issues. I would miss walking home from Gibson’s on a Tuesday night in the crisp winter air. I would miss walking the coastline, with the waves crashing in. I would miss sitting outside, in a massive beer garden on the first warm day, especially when it immediately becomes the new cold day. I would miss being able to lay under a tree in a garden and read on a blanket in the Spring.
The thing is – You are allowed to love where you are and where you have been. No one place is perfect and just like no one place is simply terrible (Except for Oklahoma).
Just because something is familiar, doesn’t mean it’s better or will give you success. If that was the case, I would have never left KCK, nevertheless, moved overseas. However, at the same time, you need to appreciate the familiar for your own good. Appreciating what you have and have had is critical to your development and makes rough moments easier.
I know for me, going through new adult trials has challenged me to think in a more positive manner. Not just about myself (Which trust me, hasn’t been the easiest), but about where I’m from, who I am and who I want to be. That all goes back to what you consider home to be and who you consider as family and friends.
The key is to not allow yourself to settle for something due to the sadness of a dream. You should instead get what you want – regardless of how familiar it is or isn’t.
The featured image is of the Nelson Atkin beautiful grounds. This would have been one of the many over-lunch walks to there.